Q&A with Justin Baldoni: Lessons from the famous actor’s experiences growing up and going to school in the age of social media
*This blog has been edited for clarity
When it comes to student well-being and making an impact, Justin Baldoni is someone you want to know. As an actor, director, author, and producer, Justin has done it all. And he is on a mission, inspired by his own experiences of growing up, to motivate young people to stay true to who they are, embrace their feelings, and live up to their full potential.
Our Student Ambassadors, Pierce Kane and Hunter Justice, huddled up with Justin to talk about his new book, Boys Will Be Human, the vulnerabilities of growing up as a teen in the age of social media, and what educators should know when it comes to supporting students both in and out of the classroom.
Find out what Justin has to say about student well-being and how we can be the best versions of ourselves in 2023 and beyond.
I’d love to hear more about your experience in middle school or high school. You speak some about key moments both in your first book and in Boys Will Be Human, but for those who haven’t read it yet, what are some key moments that shaped who you are today?
My middle and high school experience was rough. I really struggled to fit in, and I write about this a lot in my book. There are some young people who don’t struggle with fitting in, but my reality was different. I wanted to be cool, and I wanted to be liked, but I was in between being a jock and a theater kid. I didn’t have a clique or group of friends that was always my group. I was a great athlete but I was also interested in the things that the “artsy nerdy kids were into.” I just wanted to be liked, and I was bullied a lot. I remember always having this hum of anxiety. I was filled with this overwhelming sense of ‘I don’t know who I am’ and felt like I had to be something different in order to fit in. A lot of young people can relate to this feeling too. But, if you follow trends, if you follow fashion, music, etc., then by nature you will want to follow them in order to feel part of it too. And it’s human nature- there is nothing wrong with that. The problem begins when we become traitors to ourselves, when we trade in our morals, the things we like, in order to be accepted or liked. I tried to write the book in a way that was not just for middle schoolers but for high schoolers and people in their twenties, thirties, and forties.
Every month The Social Institute focuses on different themes. One of our Social Standards is Playing to Your Core, which means reflecting our values, character, and interests in our actions online. Can you tell us a bit more about how you align your personal values when it comes to social media?
I have a whole section in my book about social media, and I talk about dopamine and the engine that is social media. I say social media can be a tool for good or it can be a weapon, like anything. Even medicine given in the wrong dose can become poison. I don’t think people should get off social media because social media can be a tool for good. What it comes down to is learning how to use it. I want young people to control social media, versus it controlling them. This means knowing how it works and knowing that these apps use random reward theory which is a science-based algorithm program that casinos use to keep people scrolling. As long as we know these things, we are empowered. Knowledge is power.
So what I say is:
- Monitor your time
- Know that you are being used
- Know that by scrolling, you are having the chemicals in your brain tickled
- Figure out what you want to say on social media and what you want to use it for
A major theme of your book, Boys Will Be Human, is accepting ourselves for who we are. What steps do you think educators and adults can take to empower students to not only accept themselves for who they are but accept others as they are too?
When I was a kid, I wasn’t good at taking tests. I had anxiety, I had a lot of energy, and for the most part, I felt stupid and that there was something wrong with me. That is until a teacher made me feel like there wasn’t anything wrong with me and opened up my world. I attribute this to the teacher doing the work on themself and seeing that I was enough because they felt they were enough. I think all teachers can rethink their own education of what teaching is. I believe it should become mentorship and empowering young people through character development and giving them the tools to navigate the complexities of life. We all learn in different ways and there is room for all of us. Educators can remember that they are not just creating good students, they are creating the future of our country and those that will solve the problems that we are facing now.
Mental health and well-being are at the top of mind for students. In your book, you talk about your own experiences with being bullied and how school should be a safe place for everyone. How can educators support students who have been bullied, and what would you say to a student who is being bullied?
Bullying looks like a lot of different things right now, from physical bullying to online bullying, and we have to care about all of it. It is also important to empower our young students to come to us. If the teacher does not feel like a safe place then the student is not going to come to them. The only way a teacher can become a safe place is if they learn to be a safe place for themselves and they are welcoming, inviting, and open. In general, we need to focus on the emotional well-being of our students as much as academics. I didn’t have any of that in school. I remember being bullied so much in 7th grade that I didn’t want to go to school. I would leave class early to avoid being in the hallways because I had anxiety about running into a certain classmate who was going to find me and bully me. I didn’t have a safe place to go to. And yet, I wish I would have talked to someone about it.
I often do an exercise when I speak with groups of students: I ask everyone to close their eyes and raise their hands if they feel like they don’t fit in. Every hand goes up. So, the question is: who are we trying to fit in with if nobody fits in? We just have to recognize that we are all struggling and trying to fit in, and we all do it in different ways.
If you could give 13-year-old Justin any advice, right now, what would it be?
I would tell him that he doesn’t have to follow the trends, he doesn’t have to try to be liked, he doesn’t have to prove that he is a good athlete or make varsity or do all the things he was told he has to do. I would tell him to follow his intuition and his heart and to ignore the noise, because high school is going to be over like that, and all he is going to be left with are the decisions that he made during those four years and the experiences that he had. I want him to have an experience that is centered around himself, what he likes, what he loves, and what he is interested in, versus crowdsourcing the things that he likes and loves and is interested in so that he can be liked. I would tell him to never be a traitor to his own feelings and intuition for the sake of his gender.
Here at The Social Institute, we are on a mission to empower and equip students to navigate their social world in positive, high-character ways. From navigating social pressures to equipping students with the tools to find positive influences- we are thrilled to be collaborating with people like Justin who are using their platform for good. For more ways on how you can support students to fuel their health, happiness, and success, check out our school playbook here.
You can help your students navigate social media, tech, and their well-being by contacting us today to gain access to our #WinAtSocial Curriculum and more that will empower your students to make 2023 their best year yet!