When other families are less strict about technology
Parents ask us this question often: What should I do when my child wants to go a friend’s house where they’ll have access to social media apps, websites, devices, screen time, games, etc., that they don’t have access to at home?
We’ve all read the articles that respond with the “the more things change, the more they stay the same” theory. Every generation asks a form of this question because when kids leave the house, the stakes are higher.
- 1931: Your child could make a phone call at a friend’s house.
- 1950: Your child could watch TV or listen to rock music on the radio at a friend’s house.
- 1992: Your child could play “Mortal Kombat” and access the World Wide Web at a friend’s house.
- 2000: Your child could download musically illegally on Napster on a friend’s computer at their house, at school, or at a library.
- 2010: Your child could use WhatsApp to talk to and share photos/videos with strangers on a friend’s phone literally anywhere.
Set standards to equip your child to succeed no matter the tech available to them.
No, listening to The Platters is not the same as video chatting with an unknown and potentially predatory adult in another country. Yes, the stakes really are getting higher. When parents set high standards for families to live up to together, and when they work hard to keep each other accountable, they equip their children to succeed no matter the decade or the technology available.
That said, it’s not easy. Parents need support. Earlier this month, The Washington Post published an article with some helpful to-dos (and we always like the do’s). Here are a few.
Empathize with other parents
When we work with 6th graders on social media education, we emphasize empathy. For example, if someone doesn’t reply to a text right away (a common frustration for young immediate-gratification buffs), consider what they may be doing instead. Is your mom at work? What might she be doing there that would take her away from her phone? Is your friend on vacation? Maybe their phone is off while they’re camping or sightseeing. Your dad’s at the gym? Maybe he left his phone in the locker room.
Sometimes adults need a similar reminder. The author of the article in the Post, Devorah Heitner, encourages readers to remember that all parents “want to do right by their kids, and everyone has different values.” Start by putting yourself, as best you can, in their shoes.
Be confident in your shoes
“You are a savvy parent with lots of life experiences, and you do what’s right for your family. So feel confident about your choices,” writes Heitner.
Did you know that Bill Gates didn’t let any of his kids have phones until they were 14? Do you think they spent time with friends who had phones when they were 12 and 13, maybe even younger? Probably. On a scale of 1 to 10, guess how much Mr. Gates cared. If he knew about the scale, he probably set it on fire. In the parlance of our time, he gave zero…things.
Talk about it
Find other parents who are asking the same questions and are invested in navigating social media with their children in similar ways. Maybe one of them could show you how to use Snapchat or play Pokemon Go). Maybe another knows about a new privacy setting or Instagram filter. Heitner says, “Find the parents who see themselves as tech-mentors.”
Find or build a community of parents you can talk to about technology.
Soon, The Social Institute will be a place you can go to find this community. We’re working on all kinds of ways for parents to connect with one another through our Social Locker Room, a digital destination for parents launching in August. Until then, sign up to get our weekly newsletter and share it with other parents to begin building your own community.
Empower and equip your kids with high standards so that no matter where they are and no matter what devices, platforms, or interactions they have access to, they stay safe and #winatsocial.